Oh Tiger, Where Art Thou?….And Others Behaving Badly

So, I was on my way home the other day listening to The Michael Kay Show on ESPN Radio, and word leaked that Tiger is currently at a sex-addiction clinic in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Now, with the way that this whole Tiger drama has unfolded, I should not really be surprised by anything I hear regarding the story. But, to me, this has to be one of the biggest public cop-outs of all time. My guess is Tiger’s conversation with his publicist went something like this:

Publicist: Tiger, I think you should admit yourself to a sex-addiction clinic.

Tiger: Uh, why? I just cheated on my wife. I am not a sex addict.

Publicist: But this will make it seem like you have a problem and are at least making an effort to get better. Everyone will come out and say that addiction is a disease that can’t be controlled, and then you’re off the hook.

Tiger: That still doesn’t solve the problem that I’m not actually a sex addict.

Publicist: You lied to Elin for months. I think you can pull this off.

Tiger: Fine. I’ll consider it. Where the hell is the place? Palm Springs?

Publicist: Actually, Hattiesburg, Mississippi. You know, Brett Favre territory.

Tiger: Go Fu*k yourself.

Publicist: Planes leaving in an hour.

 Bottom line, this is possibly the biggest cover up in sports scandal history. Tiger was unfaithful because he thought he was invincible and that he could walk away from it all with a clean public image. Well, here’s a lesson for you Tiger: most of the American public is not senile enough to believe this whole plot. We all know now that you’re a pompous, disloyal, arrogant person, who just happens to be good at golf. You cheated on your wife because you thought you were better than everyone else and could get away with anything, NOT because you’re a sex addict. May as well find the next flight out of Hattiesburg and start preparing for the masters because that’s about the only thing that could help Tiger’s cause at this point.  

 College Coaches Gone Wild

 Where do I even begin with this? I guess I’ll start off with the abusive coaches and then move on to the liars.

 For a few weeks, I thought Sportscenter was covering the conduct of a kindergarten class.

 “Mike’s in trouble for locking someone in a closet”

 “Jim was put in time-out for grabbing someone by the throat”

 As it turns out, they were just talking about a bunch of college football coaches. My favorite of the stories is the one where Mike Leach, formerly the coach at Texas Tech, locked Adam James, who was suffering from a concussion, in a dark equipment closet on a few separate occasions. Obviously I don’t know Mike Leach personally, but I am guessing he is psychotic, a moron, or both. Did he not realize that the kid he locked in the closet is the son of an ESPN analyst!?!? To me, that has bad press written all over it. Plus, aside from the poor choice of player, locking people in closets is just not something normal people do. He deserved to get fired even though die hard Tech fans were so devoted to him. Many of the players actually expressed relief when he was let go. The shame of it is Adam James, the victim, is probably going to have to transfer because he is being brutalized by fans who did not want to see Leach go. People need to realize that even though tyrannical coaching can produce wins, it could also involve barbaric behavior.  

 My other favorite is Jim Leavitt, formerly of South Florida. I have watched a few South Florida games in the past and can tell you that Leavitt is an intense looking fellah. I mean, he’s got the whole Bill Cowher protruding jaw thing down to a science. Anyway, reports indicate that he grabbed one of his players by the throat at half time of a game (certainly would not shock anyone who has seen him on the sidelines.) Subsequently, he was fired, but that’s not even the climax of this story. Sportscenter later reported that South Florida contacted Mike Leach about their coaching vacancy. Yes, the same Mike Leach from the previous paragraph. What’s the thought process behind that? Is it just a lesser of two evils thing? I literally laughed out loud when that came across the ticker. You really can’t make this stuff up.

 Lane Kiffin comes next and at least he didn’t cause physical harm to anyone. Kiffin left Tennessee after one mildly disappointing year to become the new head coach at USC. By the way, how he got that job is beyond me. He failed while coaching the Raiders. Even Al Davis, who belongs in an asylum somewhere far away, saw right through him. He then took the Tennessee job and immediately accused Urban Meyer of recruiting violations, but then made a bunch himself. Tennessee finished 7-6 this year. Not exactly BCS worthy. I think I might be more qualified than he is. Anyway, when he left, he was quoted saying something to the effect of, “I think Vols fans will understand the decision I made.” Yup, Vols fans understand all right. That’s why a Tennessee attorney is hoping to name a new waste water treatment facility after Kiffin to show how “honored” Tennessee was to have him as a coach. The Lane Kiffin Center for Waste Water Treatment certainly does have a nice ring to it. I wonder if they will invite him to grand opening. (Jeremy Seltzer, I hope you appreciate this)

 While we are on the topic of Tennessee athletics, I think I would be remiss if I did not talk about the recent heart and determination displayed by their basketball team. Recently, four players were arrested for various reasons and were immediately suspended. One of the four was Tyler Smith, Tennessee’s best player and senior “leader”. Smith was charged with gun possession and kicked off of the team. My immediate thought was that there was no way Tennessee could possibly compete this year after such turmoil. But, I was so wrong. Instead of the incident tearing the team apart, it brought them closer, and they went on to upset Kansas, who was ranked #1 at the time. The Tennessee rotation featured numerous walk-on players who had only experienced some garbage time minutes. One of the walk-ons, a tiny player named Skylar McBee, hit an off-balance three pointer to ice the game. This story is really special, and I feel like it could only happen in college basketball. In the NBA these days, talent almost always wins out. But, in college, a united, focused team can win on any given night. Tennessee has shown great resilience and Bruce Pearl has done an unbelievable job of keeping the team focused. Athletes of all ages should view the team as a source of inspiration.  

That’s all for this post. I’m off to my chocolate addiction support group.

 

 

 

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